Who am I?

I enjoy being alive. I like observing, sensing, feeling and thinking the world around me.

I enjoy having a body – the senses, the outer and internal structures, the subtle energetic systems.

I enjoy thoughts. Some are velvety smooth and pleasant to touch; others vibrate in an energizising and uplifting manner; yet others shine golden light from the darkness somewhere behind me...

I enjoy arts. I especially like deep, intense and subtle emotions; smoothness of movement and apparent ease of execution; deliberate and meaningful use of symbolism; and rich yet tasteful use of ornamentation.

I am an explorer of inner spaces who attempts to learn how to harness the powers hidden within. I seek to know myself and thus, the Heavens and the Gods.

I want to come to know the Universal Patterns governing the Worlds above and below, within and without. In that way I hope to achieve the true Freedom of acting in accordance with the Higher Laws of Existence – instead of destroying myself in a hopeless fight against the Fate itself.

My path started to carve itself out after I began to practice yoga. Unexpectedly, I came to experience God; and since then I have had many other strange internal experiences. They created within me an irresistible need to study occultism, mysticism and esotericism. I found out that these paths of knowledge are deeply entwined together with those I already was interested in — philosophy, psychology and art.

I call myself an Occultist. This is because I succesfully passed an initiation process that Nature set for me. I also use the title to indicate that my interest in the Hidden is not only abstract and theoretical but viscerally practical. One day I hopefully will also call myself a Magician; but for that, the time is not ripe yet.

This use of fancy titles is not because I attempt to cloak my humaneness. No – I am well equipped with the mistakes, limits, faults and silliness that being a human implies. Instead, these titles indicate that I have decided that I Will become who I could be. And I Will this to happen by reconnecting to wholeness all the parts within myself that had previously fallen apart and into disarray. The body and the mind, the intellect and the emotion, the material and the spiritual, the dream and the awakeness...

As I have thus been blacksmithing myself, I have come to arrange this internal chaos into an apparent duality. This duality will be represented by the two pseydonyms I shall employ: Eve and Lilith. Eve expresses the bright and powerful light of consciousness arising from the deep seas of the unconsciousness. Lilith expresses the descent into the dark caverns of unconsciousness, where the only light is the fiery torch of consciousness held in a hand.

Symbolic associations:

Eve represents spirit and soul; light and day; the Sun and obedience to God; consciousness over unconscisousness; trancendence and ascension; abstraction and intelligence; Apollo and Virgin Mary; order and authority; mercy and judgement; high magic and alchemy.

Lilith represents body and senses; darkness and night; the Moon and rebellion against God; unconsciousness over consciousness; depths and descent; instinct and emotion; Dionysus and Whore Babalon; chaos and anarchy; pleasure and pain; earthy magic and witchcraft.

While these two aspects within are named differently, they are parts of the same cyclical process — the two faces of same Goddess. They form an image of a psyche seeking unification, wholeness and fullfilment. Neither can be denied or overplayed without the internal system falling into a state of unhealthiness.

This is the place from which I from now on Will be moving forwards. My humble hope is that my explorations will yield some benefits to those who are seekers on the paths of their own.